It is frequently asked, "What does democracy mean?" or, "what is the difference between socialism and fascism?" Rather than presenting a one year political science course, this short example will introduce everyone to working definitions of various political theories:
Feudalism...you have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism...You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism...You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
Fascism...You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and then sells you the milk.
Pure Communism...You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them and you share the milk.
Cambodian Communism...You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Dictatorship...You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy...You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy...You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Bureaucracy...You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy...You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Republic of Texas...You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Reprint: Planetary Connections, 1997
FEUDALISM: You have two pigs. Your lord takes some of the bacon.
CAPITALISM: You have two sows. You sell one and buy a boar.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two sows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four sows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five sows. The breeding rights of six sows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven sows' gilts back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight sows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two sows because the feng shui is bad.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two pigs. Your neighbors decide who gets the pork.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two pigs. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the pork.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two pigs if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in pork futures. The press dubs the affair "Hog-gate."
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two pigs. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two pigs. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two pigs. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's pigs. You have to take care of all the pigs. The government gives you as much pork as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two pigs. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's pigs. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much bacon and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
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